A lot of firsts

A friend of mine was recently writing about how he believes that life is made up of Firsts and Bests. If that is the case, these past two weeks have summed up a lot of Firsts for yours truly. Not sure if they’re also Bests but I guess we’ll see about that later on 🙂

1. First time I’m traveling alone. Big first there. One I felt quite doubtful about. I really  did not know what to expect and so far it has probably taken me through all the range of human emotions: fear (mostly caused by that “if something were to happen to me now, who would now?” thought); panick (extension of the former feeling); excitement (look at me now suckers!!!); loneliness (missing people and wanting to have someone who really knows you with you); complete and utter freedom (you can literally do whatever goes through your head!!!); pride (I can’t believe I actually did that!!!). I heard a lot of people saying that what they miss most when traveling alone is having someone to share that with. I don’t necessarily have that. I just never realised how much i took good conversations and witty remarks for granted. And I sometimes miss those. Cause you have times when you really don’t want to meet new people and talk about your life histories again. You just want to talk about whatever and make silly stupid jokes!

2. First type on means of transportation that I would normally be scared shirtless of. Namely, boats and scooters. Yesterday I just took an hour long boat ride from Lombok to Bali. Now, Indonesian boats (or any transportation methods for that matter) don’t place that much emphasis on safety. For some reason however, and despite the fact that no was petrified,  I ended up riding on the roof of the fast boat…basically me and 6 other French people. For most of the ride I kept thinking “am I insane?? What was I thinking??”. For the other part of the ride I kept telling myself ” this is amazing!! I should do this every day!!”. Yes, I a a Gemini, hence ambivalent 🙂 Today, I also had the pleasure on going for one hour on a motorbike…the owner of my hostel took me, as I had to get to the previously described temples, and this was the only cheaper way! So I armed myself with all the courage I could muster and I went! It was quite a smooth ride (apart from a few fast racing maniacs) but more importantly than that…the scenery was lovely!! Absolutely stunning! And I was relaxed enough to actually be able to enjoy it!! If that is not growth than I don’t know what is!

3. First time I went hiking alone (I will write about my mount rinjani adventure in a bit also). I was not necessarily alone cause I went with a group. But it was the first time I didn’t have anyone i knew and trusted with me. It was a bit weird. And what I found was weird was that I missed mynhiking people mainly when it came to motivation. Turns out, people are quite selfish when hiking…especially if it’s a strenuous hike (like this one was). They want to save any type of energy or motivation they might have for themselves and friends. If you are “friendless” then it’s only up to you to stay motivated . And when that freaking mountain is tall and difficulty…welll…you might need an external push once in a while 🙂

4. First time to try out Indonesian stuff. So far the most memorable have been the snake fruit (weird stone like texture but crunchy and quite yummy when you eat it) and Arak (local alcohol concocted from coconut). The latter one is quite disgusting when on its own, but they drink it with lime and honey which makes a loooot of sense! And which restores happiness to my tastebuds 🙂 I also had some rice wine from locals, only that was very similar to what I had in Japan… So no first there I believe

5. First time that I’m travelling without having any idea of where I will be or hat I will do tomorrow I had written earlier also about how Malaysia makes you live VERY in the moment. Well…my trip is like that too. And I cannot say I hate it. On the contrary…it raher fun and relaxed. I still am not sure of how i will get to yogyakarta in 2 days time but I am sure I’ll figure it out as I go along 🙂

I am very grateful for all these Firsts. Especially because, since I’m coming very close to 30, I had thought to be somewhat past the age when you can have so many Firsts in so little time. The even better part is that I am sure that many other Firsts will follow in the next 2 months that I will still spend in Asia 🙂

 

 

Hindus know their shit!

When Elizabeth sees for the first time Mr Darcy’s Pemberley estate she has a remark along the lines of how there has never been another place so well situated so as to make the most of its natural entourage. Well. This morning I visited such a place, though definitely not in England.

Yesterday at lunch time I arrived in amed. This is the general name given to about 10-15km of the North Eastern coast of Bali. It encompasses a few fishermen villages spread along the coast and so far it is by far the most beautiful place I’ve seen in a long while. On the one hand you have the sea, and on the other big and green mountains, culminating in Mount Agung that overlooks over everything from its 3142m height.

The funny thing is that I didn’t even refer to this place when I wrote the first paragraph!! Since the main occupation here is diving and since my relationship with the sea is still undergoing some building and strengthening, I decided to take the less beaten path and go up the mountains! After 30mins of motorcycle ride (will write about that soon enough also) I arrived to the Pura Lempuyang temples.

Imagine a big mountain (I believe it reaches about 1800m) where the Hindus have built (like 2000 years ago) seven temples. To reach them you just need to go higher and higher and higher…sometimes on unpaved road, but mostly on stairs…1700 of them to be precise!

Now, there’s nothing necessarily special about it so far. I’ve visited similar  Buddhist temples in Japan, though granted they had fewer steps. But they greatness here came from the views. It was amazing. Almost every turn of the road would show you a new perspective and an even further outlook.
I was quite early there (highly recommended as after 10am clouds tend to hide the peaks of the surrounding mountains) so I got crystal clear views of Mount Agung and all the villages around it. I could see far onto the sea….so far that I could even make out Lombok!! I then read that if you’re super lucky you can even make out Rinjani on extremely clear days. This was not one of them unfortunately but I was extremely happy with what I saw anyways.

Apart from the absolutely amazing views (I am not kidding you…it made you feel grateful and humbled and powerful at the same time!), this expedition had some extra massive points:
– there were very few tourists!!! I basically had the whole walk to myself. Which also meant I was a bit lonely when the grey monkeys appeared (crazy stories go on about it so I was a bit scared) but it also meant it was super peaceful and quiet. And I could take it all in…the sounds of the jungle, the peacefulness of the temples, the sweat of the climb 🙂
– there were quite a few locals. Who were super nice and talkative. They explained to me about how they pray and the ceremonies they perform there (I got to be in one too:)). They told me about the holy water that they get from the bamboo trees at the last temple, but only if they are truly worthy of it. And they let me take photos of them all in their pretty costumes. And hug their kids…super cute babies in this country!!
– the ride from Amed to get there is absolutely jaw dropping!! Such green and beautiful scenery! And I got to buy fruit from a lady selling it on the side of the street. So now I officially ate snake fruit (weird but I like it!).

I am now relaxing on the black sand beach, waiting for the sunset. Indonesia is truly beautiful!

Ubud

Today I spent the day in Ubud. And I got reminded of what it feels like to fall in love with a city. Or better put with a place.

Ubud is special – noisy but artsy, busy but filled with culture. Lots of small streets you can get lost on. I think I even like it more than Melaka. But in my present mood I could not survive a whole day in this chaos though. So I was really happy to go on a 8.5km hike in surrounding villages. Which is when I realised that I could definitely stay more in Bali.

I just loved the vibes of the villages and of the green rice paddies so close to the city. I loved that the locals were sowelcoming, still trying to sell you things but way more willing to engage in normal conversation when their first aim failed. I loved the fact that every entrance looks like a temple but when you get in you see it’s just a house or a school or something. I love the Balinese door carvings. I love that my malay helps me understand basic things and make small conversation. And I love that they have proper coffee!!!

 

How did this all happen?

About three weeks ago I was announced that my center was closing. Our main sponsor was hit pretty bad by the financial crisis and decided to stop funding our project.

Lots of different feelings emerged. Disappointment, failure to honor promises, excitement, uncertainty, sadness, maybe even anger at times, confusion, relief. It was a weird time and it was followed by an even weirder stretch of weeks. The news had various effects on various people. My SOLS friends (for most of whom this also meant the end of their contract or at least a change in the way they do things) began a frenzy of plnning of trips and life after this. It reminded me a lot of the thoughts I had in the beginning of my time here… How life as a field worker in an NGO always feel so temporary and almost transitory towards something else (though most of us have no idea to what). It felt like this now more than ever.

Giving the news to my community was probably one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. It produced physical pain and complete emotional distress. It also made me want to give them 100% of me while I was still there. In time but more than just time…in attention and energy. This surprised me…I’ve always been a strong advocate of a clear professional-personal life separation (I still think that’s probably the healthiest lifestyle possible) and here I was letting my ” professional ” life take a definite toll on my personal life. See, once you spend energy on some people, you become incapable of giving the deserved amount of energy to anyone other. I felt that and I chose deliberately. I am still wondering whether I hurt someone in the process. But it was a conscious decision and I would probably do it again. Those people became in a weird way so much more than my students. They were my daily motivation and inspiration. My family oversees. Even now, travelling alone, i still feel I have like 10 uncles watching over me and giving me advice.

But most of all the news of the early departure produced lots of confusion in myself. Was I happy about it or not? Did I want to go home early or was it just the annoying extenal circumstances bringing about an undesired change of events? My internal compass gave me the answer to this pretty soon though…I was definitely sad that the center was closing. The community was really benefiting from the program, was enjoying it and really wanted it to continue (actually, the news also stirred them to start looking for sponsors of their own ..lovely initiative but unsuccessful by the time I left). But I was definitely ready to leave Malaysia.

I had considered leaving early before. But it was always accompanied by this annoying feeling that I wasn’t done yet. That I had not accomplished anything (not sure I can say what I’ve accomplished now though). That I had not learned enough or not everything I could. But now, it felt like …yes, it is time. I am ready. So even though the opportunity presented itself to continue on a different position with SOLS until August, the decision was easy to make. I was done.

It’s really funny how some decisions seem so clear cut. The step to leave was such. And the decision to travel alone was also such. I am still wondering why. I did have the doubt (that still sometimes torments me) of: “maybe I should just get home and enjoy my awesome family faster and longer”. But something said that if I don’t do this now, I never will and I will regret it. Part of me is wondering what I was thinking. Part of me is really looking forward to the 14th jue when Jan will join me. Part of me is excited and discovering thisd new me…me when traveling alone!

It might come as a surprise to many of you (and partly to my surprise also), anutza travelling alone has not been as open and talkative as she normally is. I did end up going for food with people from the hostel here but socialisation happened awkwardly. And I am not very invested in it. I was thinking about it today…about why that is. And I think it’s all about needs. In a way I regard people now as a “logistical need”. Since for my other purposes for the trip I don’t really feel I need anyone (the reflection,processing,relaxing etc). But that is not a good way to think about people. It does not bring out the best in you, it does not show genuine interest and it definitely does not create bonds. And I guess until that changes I will never truly find “my type of people”.

Another beginning

I am in Bali. It’s almost surreal that I ended up here. In a hostel that looks as taken out of a backpacker dream. An oasis in the middle of a tourist haven. On the outside it looks as any random garage door. You step in and it’s this beautiful house with lovely rooms scarcely furnished, with a long terrace where the most comfortable longchairs in the world reside and with an amazing garden, filled with greenery and a beautiful pool. It’s truly a jewel! The owner is actually interested in selling but with a bit of marketing skill, he could make a fortune on tourists. I would definitely pay more than the 8euros per night I am currently paying to stay here. Oh…and the bathroom has old marble in it! It’s just lovely! So lovely that my 2 night stay here has extended to 4 nights.

I am still a bit confused as to what I want from this trip. Or better said, I think it’s time for a bit of a decision…do I want this trip to be about tourism or about relaxing and processing? The last period has been a bit hectic on all sorts of levels – so hectic that I didn’t even have the impulse to write anymore. And so hectic that I literally refused to think about difficult things because it felt that I lack the capacity to have any valid opinion or thought on it. Now however, for probably the first time in my life, I feel a big urge to write. To split the last year into chapters, to go through each and clean it up! In my control freak head this should be a highly organised activity. When I know that in reality all the chapters will intertwine and become all messy and muddy together. I don’t even know what I expect to get out of it. Some clarity? Some suddn revelations? Who knows?

Add to all that the excitement to me undertaking a whole new travelling experience. Namely travelling solo. In a weird way it felt like a natural next step. Travelling alone seemed almost impossible 1 year ago. When I found out I had to leave Malaysia sooner I didn’t even think about it…I just had to decide on destinations. So here I am now, at the beginning of my 6 weeks of alone travelling. In which I hope to conquer 2 countries: Indonesia and Nepal.

Sad to say that my start was not really the best possible one. Yesterday at immigration in Bali I got stopped because it was weird that I was the only Romanian on the plane. I got questioned about my entire life history. And it all ended with me being strip searched – lucky for me, all my orrifices were drug clear!

This did make me think though. I had not really taken many precautions about my trip. As in, people sort of new where I was, but no specific details. To be honest, if someone would happen to me, who would notice? Luckily, friends are somehow always there. But I realised I should not take it as lightly as I first did.

Anyways…getting back to my initial dilemma. Tourism or time for myself? I am torn between doing things and just relaxing, enjoying places, spending time at the beach. I came prepared to hike but I am not sure I still want to do that. Especially as Nepal will probably provide more opportunity for that. At the same time, something in me just makes me want to do and see everything!!